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Lesbian dating is it safe?

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Lesbian dating is it safe?

Why is it that lesbians have such a hard time with dating? You know,going out with one or more women, maybe having sex, and not having to arrive at any permanent or long-term decisions about the nature of the relationship. Why are we in such a hurry to make the relationship decision? You've seen it happen: two women start seeing each other and immediately they're a couple. Once they have sex, it's a sure thing: they are now in a relationship. Perhaps we should think about this. Maybe some of the problems lesbian relationships face arise from not having dated for longer periods of time. Dating isn't easy. For one thing, some lesbians disapprove of other lesbians dating more than one woman. You've heard the putdowns - "She's a player/user/can't commit," and so on, as if dating different women is inherently wrong. It's easy to see how these stereotypes can develop; our only role models are straight men. But while there are definitely lesbians who don't treat women respectfully, we need to avoid thinking in stereotypes.

     There are plenty of other reasons why dating can be hard. Dating involves risk-taking -meeting new women, initiating conversations, asking women out, having an evening of conversation with someone we don't know very well, and maybe nervously thinking about sex (and, if so, how to initiate). We're not sure what to expect, and we risk being rejected. Many women also worry about whether they are attractive or desirable. No wonder

so many lesbians skip this part, and rush into relationships. And that's not the least of it. As lesbians, there really aren't many places to meet other lesbians, and the places that do exist aren't always the easiest places in which to be introduced. And when we're not in lesbian-identified environments, we aren't always able to spot other lesbians, or find a way to set up a date.

Relationship management encompasses everything you do after you sleep with someone, but, like many phases earlier in the model, your success is dependent on the groundwork you'd laid earlier. Just as what you did in comfort influences your chances in seduction, what you did in qualification, comfort, and seduction influence what will be possible in relationship management.

Dating also means coping with undefined situations - not knowing where you're headed, being unsure of what you mean to each other, and possibly feeling confused. For some lesbians, that unknown territory feels out of control and terrifying. To feel more secure, they immediately define the relationship and set clear parameters around it. But if the definition of their relationship is coming out of fear rather than what they actually want  with a particular woman, it can be a set-up for failure. And since there are so  many obstacles to dating, some lesbians stay in relationships longer than they want, precisely because they don't want to date. http://datingvine.net/

 

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