CopyPastehas never been so tasty!


by anonymous

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listen here anon. you little shit. i have very nicely and politely stated before that i don't want anymore potter x twilight questions and that i don't like them being in the same sentence or even same paragraph. i don't care if you like twilight and i don't care if you like twilight more than potter. i don't care if you hate potter, i don't care if you think it's childish. i like what i like and you like what you like. i'll give you that much respect. just don't mention it to me because it really gets me angry, ok.


before you send me another question, i just want you to know that i'm not usually this mean or angry. if you had chosen to make fun of or insult me, i wouldn't have responded. if you had chosen to make fun of or insult something else i like, something i didn't spend more than ten years growing attached to, i wouldn't have responded. but you have not only said shit about potter, you decided it'd be cute to put twilight in the picture as well. you asked for it, anon. sorry not sorry.


so you were saying twilight is more relatable than potter because twilight touches you in terms of romance, yes? ok let's look at potter in terms of romance, then, shall we:

  • ron and hermione fell in love with each other after being best friends for years. there was a lot of bickering, there was a lot of friendzoning, there was a lot of crying. there was a time when they hated the guts out of each other. but they worked it out in the end. there was a process. they had the time to get to know each other, each other's flaws and differences. ron was a very insecure boy, he was flawed and was often jealous of harry. the first girl he was ever in love with dated his quidditch hero and he had to stop supporting said hero afterwards. hermione was downright a nerd. they were very flawed characters like you and me.
  • harry fell in love with ginny after years of her crushing on him. again, there was a process. ginny is harry's best friend's sister. there were complications. they spent nearly every summer living in the same house. they bonded over quidditch. they bonded after the world's darkest wizard tried to take over her goddamn soul. ginny was popular among the boys and it made harry jealous. there were complications like any other normal, muggle relationship would have.
  • snape spent the rest of his life following orders from two very powerful wizards to make sure harry stays alive until the very end, even though harry is the son of the man who took lily away from him. because he'd always loved lily, even if she didn't love him back. let me explain to you the gravity of snape's courage here. he was following orders from two very opposing sides. he was dumbledore's most trusted man and he was voldemort's most trusted man. both are very powerful wizards and both could kill him at the smallest hint of betrayal, which we know voldemort does in the end. but he stuck to the double-agent life because he loved lily. he loved her since their childhood and he loved her even when she fell for his enemy. he didn't do it for power, which is a very big thing to say because even dumbledore who everyone regarded as the greatest wizard alive was a power-hungry man. the harry potter series centers not only around death, but power. power to conquer death. in a storyline where nearly every character fears death and would do anything to overcome it, snape's decision to do the things he does in the name of unrequited love is pretty fucking great.

now i want to be fair. i want to give you a fair fight, so let's look at twilight's idea of romance:

  • bella was intrigued by edward because he was good looking. you can see it in the book, whenever she describes edward, it's all positive in terms of looks. she also has a few interactions with other boys in the new school (who all seemed to take an interest in her despite herself being described as awkward and uninteresting) and did not bother to describe what they looked like (even though she met some of them way before she even got to see edward).
  • edward was intrigued by bella because he couldn't read her mind and because he wanted to kill her. an actual quote from the first movie goes like, "i have never wanted a human's blood so much in my life."
  • their totally non-existent relationship develops after like, a few days. keep in mind that bella is a new girl, described as awkward, clumsy and vastly uninteresting. edward is the school's hottest boy. they have one class together. an actual quote from the book's wikipedia, "When Bella is seated next to Edward Cullen in class on her first day of school, Edward seems utterly repulsed by her. He disappears for a few days, but warms up to Bella upon his return"

what i wanted to say from the two points above is that their love doesn't have foundation. it's like a disney movie where they fall in love within a matter of days and get married within the next week. did they even get to know each other before bella decides it's totally safe to trust a vampire who openly told her he wants to kill her? hell, it's like romeo and juliet's four days relationship and we all know how that ended. totally relatable. but let's keep going:

  • edward is not only obsessive, he is violent and aggressive as well. again, you can see this in the book the way he asserts his power on her, dragging her from place to place, making her sit and stay, and she just goes along with it all because he's "beautiful". let's not forget, he watches her sleep and is fascinated by it. a very prince charming thing to do. he goes into manic mood shifts and sometimes wants to kill her, sometimes wants to save her, which is totally ok because he has nice hair.
  • edward literally does not have flaws. not only does he not die, he's rich, smart, and polite as well. plus the beautiful bronze hair and the beautiful honeydew eyes and the beautiful porcelain skin. when he tells bella that he spent his youth drinking human blood after all, it's not just any human, it's the bad humans. the ones that molest girls, the ones with bad morals. the one that probably deserved to die anyway, fortunately for edward. god, even the one trait that's supposed to make him a monster is made out to be a superhero, righteous trait. not to mention that out of all the girls in forks high school, he decides to go for the girl whose mind he cannot read (whose mind basically spends all day thinking about him and his porcelain skin), when there could be other more intellectually driven girls somewhere in the corridors.
  • they got married at 18 and bella has a kid a month afterwards. bella even has to abandon her family, her father, her mother, after the marriage ceremony because she's supposed to be a vampire and "die". literally this is a girl abandoning family and education for a boy she fell in love with superficially. do i have to say more? do i really have to elaborate on this? is this one of those "relatable" things you mentioned?

honestly, tell me, anon. how did you relate to twilight?

are you dating someone whose initial intention was to kill you?

does your partner not have flaws, like edward?

is your partner the equivalent of a fucking vogue model? or greek god?

did you fall in love with someone after like, a week's worth of biology classes together? did you marry him and abandon college plans after high school?

does he climb into your room through the window to watch you sleep?

is your life, your love life, anything like twilight?


seriously, anon.


write me a fucking 300 word essay on how twilight was more relatable to you than potter.